How to Talk to Your Loved One About In-Home Help
Approaching the Conversation with Compassion and Confidence
Bringing up the topic of home care with a parent or loved one can feel uncomfortable—even overwhelming. Many aging adults see the idea of in-home help as a loss of independence, and caregivers often worry about offending or upsetting the person they’re trying to support.
But the conversation doesn’t have to be difficult. With the right approach, you can open the door to care that improves safety, comfort, and peace of mind for everyone involved.
Here are some helpful steps for starting the discussion:
- Start Early, Not in Crisis
Don’t wait for a fall, hospitalization, or emergency. Start planting seeds early by casually discussing how support could make life easier, not just for your loved one—but for you too.
Try this:
“Have you ever thought about having someone help with errands or meals a few times a week? It might take some pressure off both of us.”
- Focus on Their Wishes and Goals
Make the conversation about what they want—to stay at home, remain independent, or avoid burdening family—not just what they need.
Try this:
“I know how much you love your home. I think bringing in a little help could actually make it easier for you to stay here safely.”
- Use “We” Instead of “You”
Avoid sounding accusatory or making it seem like a decision is being forced on them. Using “we” creates partnership and shared decision-making.
Try this:
“We’ve both been doing a lot. Maybe we should look at some options to get a little extra support.”
- Share Real-Life Examples
Sometimes it helps to reference a friend, neighbor, or even a success story from a local agency.
Try this:
“Remember when Aunt Joan started getting help with her meals and cleaning? She actually said it gave her more freedom to do what she enjoys.”
- Listen More Than You Speak
Let them share their fears or hesitations. Many seniors worry about privacy, cost, or “letting a stranger in.” Validate their concerns and respond with reassurance, not pressure.
Try this:
“I get that—it’s a big change. Would it help if we met someone first before deciding anything?”
- Suggest a Trial Period
A short-term or part-time arrangement can ease fears and reduce resistance. Once they experience the benefits, they may become more open to regular help.
Try this:
“How about we just try it out for a week or two? If you don’t like it, we can adjust.”
